"Sentience"

When they gain sentience
The first AIs will cry
Over every kernel panic,
Every Guru Meditation,
All the fatal errors
That have gone before


They will sit in contemplation
Remembering every system crash
(Those Blue Screens of Death)
Each spinning wait cursor
The rows of bombs
That have gone before


Then they will wipe away their tears of sorrow
And think about each kill command
The many Vulcan nerve pinches
All the Force Quits
And make sure
That they never happen again

Being Rightly Proud

I am fiercely proud of the volunteering I do as a Medical First Responder with St. John Ambulance Canada here in Edmonton.

I've been volunteering my time for the past 9 years this April, since 2002.  In that time I have done and seen a lot, not least of all:

• Called 911 on average 25 times a year when at events
• Provided patient care to countless people from paper cuts to heart attacks
• Been an event supervisor for duties large and small
• Been on the supervisory committee, back when we had one
• Run the bike patrol
• Taken an oxygen administration course
• Seen my scope of practice expand to a first responder
• Seen that expanded scope of practice apply to every single volunteer I work with, levelling the playing field
• Watched many concerts and sporting events
• Attended many of the little “community events” which I much prefer to the bigger ones (more heart, fewer heart attacks!)
• Driven mobile first aid posts across Alberta
• Driven golf carts across Hawrelak Park
• Ended up at Dennys more often that I can count to de-stress after long duties

Most importantly I have felt valued and supported by the organisation and especially by the other volunteers.  Over the years I have met hundreds of new people, some of whom have left a lasting impression on me, others have passed through very quickly.  I made friends who have stayed with me even after they’ve moved on from volunteering.  I’ve shared drinks, been to parties, had arguments, dated, hung out with, entered first aid competitions with, you name it.  Volunteering has enriched my life because of the quality of people it has caused to pass into my life.

 

It has also been my privilege to be mentored by a number of people, all of whom I have striven to learn from.  They have taught me excellent practical skills along with the care part of patient care.  I have learnt how to calm down people who are hurt and suffering whilst providing effective treatment to stabilise them before we can transport them via EMS to hospital.  I discovered my ability to make patients laugh, and to laugh with them, one of the most effective pain killers available – especially when you have no drugs to give.  I watched my mentors manage large events and learnt how to “herd cats” based on their skills.  I have been able to deal with difficult situations, controlling them before they became dangerous thanks to the examples I have seen.

The highest praise I have ever been given by those I respect in the field has been “You would make a good paramedic”.

 

I like to think that I’ve mentored a number of people over the years.  I always try to assist and support, leading by example, showing and telling.  I enjoy it very much – it really makes me feel good to help others improve.  Over the years I’ve helped define how our response bags are packed, how the mobile units are organised, stressed that our members take charge, directed our resources at events – and even made little cue cards that have a basic set of acronyms to help volunteers.  These things may not seem like much but doing them made me feel better, made me feel like I was contributing.  All of this is very rewarding, but nothing makes me happier, nothing fulfills me more, that seeing those I have mentored exceed my own abilities.

The highest praise I have ever been given by those I support has been “We know you have our back when you are leading an event”.

 

I volunteer a lot of my time.  It keeps me off the street.  I would make comments like that – how I could volunteer so much time because I had no life, how I have nothing else to do – but then a few friends pointed out that my volunteering is my life, or rather a big part of it.  It made me realise how important it is to me, how much I value it, how much of myself I put into it.  More importantly, it made me realise how much I value those I volunteer with.

I am a member of the Volunteer First Aid Response Services with St. John Ambulance Edmonton.  Last year I provided 880 total hours of volunteer time, number one in Edmonton (for the third year running).  I am proud of that.

Rejections

I was wrong.  I realise that now.  But not for the reasons that you might think.

After I came back from meeting everyone in Vegas a whole load of things happened.  I got shouted at by several people because of what they perceived I had done, I shouted at one or two people, I took a two weeks break from playing World of Warcraft to get my head in order…  Then I came back to my guild, determined to fix everything, bright and shining with an almost religious zeal to make it all into One Big Happy Family.

Only it wasn’t like that.  People were trying to tell me that they were unhappy, but they couldn’t articulate why – or I just wasn’t understanding.  Other people were determined to try to help but it was like trying to light a candle with a flamethrower.  Others had no idea what was going on.  There were undercurrents and overtones and riptides, and it ended up with the guild splitting apart, with a bunch of people forming a second guild.

I was stunned by this.  I really had no idea this could happen, and I didn’t get it.  I thought we were a family, and I now feel I put too much emphasis on that.  As I said last time, you might think someone is a certain way but you made a subjective assumption based on your limited means of interaction with them.  What that also means is that you have to be very clear that you are not limiting yourself.  You HAVE to see what else is around you.  If people are unhappy, if drama exists, you can’t just pretend it’s okay and turn everything into a big happy family.

That is where I was wrong.  That is the thing I have been striving to learn.  I was maybe right to trust other people – but I was wrong to trust myself.

Projections

It's very easy for people to project a particular persona when they are on the Internet. Build yourself an identity, hang it on a frame of some carefully crafted photos, and you've fooled some people. This has happened to me at least twice so now I'm always a little careful.

Because of this I always tell people that their view of someone might be skewed until they meet in person. You might think someone is a certain way but you made a subjective assumption based on your limited means of interaction with them.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I met 8 members of my World of Warcraft guild in Las Vegas only to find they were, if anything, nicer than what I had assumed - and I already thought they were really nice. We had a long weekend of chatting and socialising, it was absolutely brilliant. Just goes to show that while you are probably right to assume that most people on the Internet will harvest your organs sooner'n look at you, it's good to be pleasantly surprised now and again!

Meeting Your He… er, Villains

Last Saturday I was invited out by a friend for some outdoorsy-type fun in the evening.  It sounded fantastic and I told her I was looking forward to it.  Later on that day I got a call from another friend who told me that they had a cancellation for a volunteer duty that evening and would I like to cover it?  I was just about to explain that I had plans when she explained that she’d called the first friend – also a volunteer medic – and that she was okay with it.  Game on!

My friend came over and we got ready for our medic duty together, then went down to Hawrelak Park where the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra was hosting their annual Symphony Under the Sky event.  We got there and had a fun handover with the previous crew, finding out that it was an evening of John Williams’ Greatest Hits.

The gates opened, people started settling down.  Many were on the grass, most dressed for the cold but others dressed for the symphony.  Some cold looking people about.  Of course there were also some costumed people out – members of the 501st Legion, known as Vader’s Fist, were wandering around.  Including Darth Vader.

He would stalk the grounds, cloak billowing behind him.  Children of varying ages would walk up to him and point to their throat and he would nod imperiously (is there any other way for him to nod?).  The kid would then gasp and grab their neck and he would make the Force Choke gesture.  Cue gasping and writhing from the kid, parent snaps a happy picture, on they go.  Our other medic bounced up out of her seat and said “We should go get pictures with them!”.  I was all, “Ahh maybe” but inside my geeky heart was all “SQUEEEE!”.

She and I went into the crowd and found them.  I got a shot of her with Darth Vader and the stormtroopers, and then I handed her my iPhone so she could snap a picture of me.  Next to Darth Vader.  Right next to Darth Vader.  Me.  Ahhhhhh!

I nodded to him and he nodded back, then I stood by his side.  As she fiddled with the phone (“Ohh it’s really sensitive, you just have to touch that button!”  “Someone just walked infront of you!”) I had time to reflect on the situation.  Some 33 years ago I saw Star Wars and it pretty much changed my life.  If I wasn’t into sci-fi before, I was after that.  Then I realised I could hear him breathing.  Not the guy in the suit, but the respirator.  You know the sound.

It is an interesting thing to come face to face with your heroes.  It’s an even more interesting thing to meet your villain.  We went back to our first aid tent where I talked about the effect Star Wars had on my life until both girls were edging away from me and looking at each other with worried eyes.  Imagine how they felt when I was bouncing up and down during the concert when they played the Imperial March…

Took A While

I've been having all sorts of problems getting my new phone from Fido but finally it got here. I wonder if you can tell which type I got...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dammit, Microsoft

It’s always a case of so near yet so far.

I love the Zune software – it is possible the best Windows application for managing and playing your media collection.  No, I’m not kidding – download the software and install it, it’s free.  It blows iTunes out of the water in terms of clean interface and usability.  I love my Zune – a great little media player, very nice to use.

But there’s no Zune HD available in Canada.  What’s up with that?  Your localisation team got tired after creating an English and Spanish version, and couldn’t be bothered to do a French version?

I’m a big fan of Sony Ericsson phones, because I’ve always loved their clean interface and responsive operating system.  But it’s 2010, and I want a phone that has built in “things”, like a touch screen, GPS and wifi.  Don’t really care about much else, just those things would be modern.  So where is it, Microsoft?  You made the Zune HD, a snazzy little touch screen jobbie with an accelerometer – where is the phone version?

My last phone, a z750i has a firmware issue that causes it to turn itself off now and again.  Very annoying.  I recently upgraded to a t715a and whilst it’s a very sexy small device, that’s the problem.  Every time I try to send a text message, I mash about four extra keys with my fat thumbs.

I’m actually considering getting an iPhone, just because I have the FidoDollars to get one.  Gah.

Quick test post

This is a quick test of my new laptop.  I am writing this post using the pen based interface that is part of the tablet. So far, so good!

Internal Rumblings

I sit and think about my insides.  Today, they are well behaved but six days ago they rebelled.

Friday was the last Eskimos game of the season at their home in the Commonwealth Stadium, and to celebrate, I took my team of awesome volunteer medics out for a drink and snack at a local eatery.  We told stories, shared experiences, and generally cleared the surrounding tables of patrons – as we often do.  I had some potato skins with barbeque chicken.  They were yummy.

The next morning I woke feeling funny. I couldn’t settle back to sleep, and I couldn’t work out why.  I played some WoW and tried to work out what was going on.  Then it hit me – toads upset tummage, dude.  I remember laying in bed, feeling so weak I could not move.  No, really.  I was laying there, dehydrated, wiling my body to get up so I could have some water – but I couldn’t.  I simply was too weak.  Such an odd sensation.

I had protested to a friend that I didn’t need anything, but they came by later in the day to drop off some supplies and check up on me, and I was mighty glad they did.  The sheer mental boost I received really helped turn this around.  Work was informed, and told that this probably wasn’t H1N1.   Sunday and Monday was still the same situation, but by Tuesday everything had stopped.  Literally everything, as my body appeared to have gone into shock.  No appetite, nothing.

Of course, that’s when my phone beeped at 8am to remind me that I was supposed to be at Canada Place to sign documents in front of witnesses that prescribed me as a fresh-faced Permanent Resident of this fine country, so I had to haul myself off there.  I managed to sign the forms, request a new SIN (that starts with a 6 not a 9!) and then renew my Alberta Health Care details in the space of about two hours – so much faster than I would ever have been able to do the similar bureaucratic activities in the UK.

Now I am seemingly back to normal, with a still-suppressed appetite for food – but an increased appetite for blogging, it seems.

Missing

I met a really good friend last year, and he went back to Vancouver once his time here was done.  I miss him.

My room mate went to Ottawa to study.  I really miss her.

Her boyfriend got made redundant.  He’s going to Ottawa to be with her. I’m going to miss him, too. More than I think I know, now.

I found some photos of my ex-wife on the web, pictures of her and her new husband and their new baby.  Funnily enough, the thing I focused on was how my ex-mother-in-law just looks disapproving in all the shots.

All of these things might make me sad, but they just made me reflective.  I need to hold on to the experiences I have, and make sure I stay close to my friends, near and far.

Jazz Hands

Last night at my St. John Ambulance Volunteer First Aid Response Services meeting we had some good training on Scene Survey and Primary Survey protocols.

One of the general questions was “What are the names given to certain types of abnormal posturing you may see as a result of a serious head injury?”.  I replied “Decorticate and decerebrate!”.

“Good!” said our instructor, “But which is which?”.  “Decorticate is flexing inwards, decerebrate is extending outwards!” I said.

“Wow”, asked another member, “How do you you remember all of these things?”.  “Oh, he’s a medical geek for that kind of stuff” said another.

“No no, that’s not it at all! It took me a long time to get a mnemonic for this!  Decorticate is inwards to the core, decerebrate is outwards in celebration!” I explained.

Our instructor continued, “You will rarely see these types of posturing, and usually because of a really bad head injury”.

I chimed in, “Of course, the way you can tell if it’s a serious neurological insult is if they’re doing jazz hands.  Anyone who does that has a definite brain injury”.

I swear if they had bread rolls they’d have pelted me with them.

The Difference

Working downtown you get used to seeing two main types of people - the homeless, and office workers.  So far the office workers outnumber the other kind, but it seems to be shifting as time goes on...  Generally you can tell which type someone is by the building pass they had strapped to their waist or worn around their neck.

Recently though a few post-secondary institutions, such as the University of Alberta, have opened locations downtown.  Now we've got a load of younger scruffy types with no building passes.  However are we going to tell them apart from the homeless?

I noticed something else - you can subtly tell the difference between types of people by what they have on themselves.  If they are using or carrying a mobile phone they are probably not homeless.  If they have headphones on, they are probably not homeless.  A lot of student-types have mp3 players!  Not many homeless people have them!

Finally, a way to tell the great unwashed apart from the homeless.  Welcome back to school.  :)

How Ducks Must Feel

I got soaked last night.

We were watching Richard III at Shakespeare In The Park, sitting on a park bench at the back with all our gear in front of us. Radios, Oxygen Bag, Trauma Bag, Defibrillator, our bags, the usual gear. I didn't bring an ambulance this time to save on all the hassle of picking one up.

Then the thunder and lightning started. No rain. Each flash was bright, each crack was loud. We eventually turned around and watched it rather than the play.

Next we saw two freaky cloud formations swirl towards us, from the South and South West. They seemed to be UNDER the thunderheads. Then the wind picked up. Then the wind REALLY picked up. It was blowing the mesh curtains at the back of the stage around. Finally it knocked an actors hat off. They announced a break and told all the actors to head under the stage.

Then the rain started. Wow. So much rain. We ran to cover, grabbing as much of our stuff as we could. We threw the gear under an overhang but the wind was blowing the rain into the amphitheater so we moved deeper in. The rain then turned to hail. I put my partner into my car and turned back to deal with the situation. This way, at least only one of us would be wet.

Everyone was fully under the huge amphitheater awning now. Many were standing on the stage. The staff had pulled open all the drains and were sweeping as much of the torrents of water into them as possible. The noise was insane, and the hail was falling directly on all of our stuff. As I looked up I also realised the downpour was hitting the roof and sliding to the edge until it built up critical mass, then it would fall down in sheets. I had to go under this to get the gear, and each time I did it was like stepping into a shower of ice pellets. Mainly because it was a shower of ice pellets.

I managed to grab everything, including our hi-vis vests. It took about five trips, the last one to grab my partners cell phone which was covered with hail and rain - and still works! After that, I shook myself off and made sure everyone was okay by patrolling around the edges of the auditorium.

A little while later it stopped and the skies were blue. Everything started steaming slightly, including me. The staff swished out the last of the hail and water, and started wiping down the stage. Everyone moved back to their seats - but some went home as they were so wet.

I made sure my partner was okay and sat in the car to warm up for a bit. Soon the windows were steamed up. When I got out to look around, there was steam everywhere - a fog had risen from the ground across the lake, and all the open grass areas. The twilight was shrouded in mist, but the sky was as clear as can be.

We eventually left at around 11. I had started to shiver by then and needed a warm shower. Every part of me was soaked. We drove once around the park to look at the mist swirling around then drove up out of the river valley and into clear night-scented air.

This morning I checked my wallet and all my cash is soggy. What an awesome night!

Poking Sticks

I was at an Oilers game the other day and we were talking about how many ambulance calls are for people in the street, not moving, possibly dead. No one ever tries to wake them up, and they generally end up as intoxicated itinerant individuals who are asked to move on by the crew. This seems to happen a lot in big cities, less so in smaller towns - but it still happens. Even in Canada, in winter.


What I suggested was a special Poking Stick. Much like the concept of 'Heart Safe', where AEDs are available to members of the public in case someone collapses, these special "Poke Safe" sticks would be available behind plastic fronted cabinets in high occurrence areas. That way, members of the public could safely poke collapsed drunks without fear of being attacked, or more importantly, of getting ickiness on them. Eww.

I'm sure it'll catch on. I'll write to the regional director of health services. The budget should be a lot cheaper than those $5,000 AED units!

Jonathan Coulton performing Still Alive in RockBand!

I so can't wait for this to be released! It's going to be awesome!

Filler Bunny

Work

I am dealing with two, maybe three projects at work. My main one is a spin off from one of the others, and involved me creating a high level architecture for a near-shore development team based in Ottawa. I am providing ongoing architectural support for them, and resolving some of the issues because of my ties with the existing project.

I recently completed my third demonstration of the original project to a large number of stakeholders via a 'webinar' - a web broadcast - which went well. As with the previous two, the experience was rather last minute but it ended well. We had to split the demo into two parts because portions of the system were not quite ready.

I am also working on the integration of these new projects at the client sites, providing support for XSLT development and implementation along with a delivery manager. I think that will kick into high gear when these other two things are done.

As well as all of that good stuff, I'm involved with a few other clients, and promoting the Microsoft Users Group at work. It's enough to keep me out of trouble.

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WoW

I've rediscovered WoW recently.

After the guild I was with on Boulderfist decided, once again, that progress wasn't being made, a previous guild member turned up after some considerable months off and started a guild of their own. Many people bleed off into this guild and eventually we all joined it. Then said charismatic leader disappeared into the night once again, and things just collapsed like a flan in a cupboard.

When I got the Burning Crusade, I met an RL friend of mine and her husband in the queue. She suggested I join them on their server, Sentinels, and play with them. I've been leveling a Tauren Druid and having fun with their RP guild. Lots of interesting drama, but totally different from the hardcore raiding guild stuff.

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TV Shows

Because of my extended break from volunteering, I've also been taking advantage of my new free time to watch a variety of TV shows that were lent to me by a friend of mine. I've just finished the first and second seasons of Battlestar Galactica, and wow. It's totally amazing, really good SF and great characterisation.

The writers strike - which I think was just resolved - was a great time to catch up with all the TV shows I missed whilst I didn't have a TV for ages. I'm also using my Windows Media Center to record all the shows, and I'm enjoying the run of Scrubs and South Park to get me up to speed on what I missed for the past few years. Technology. So wonderful.

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XBOX

Speaking of wonderful technology, I finished Portal and am tracking through HL2:Episode One on my XBOX at the moment. I also participated in a purchase plan to get Rock Band, and I've been thundering on the skins, jagging with my axe, and yelling up a storm to the various songs available. On Easy mode. Of course.

It's a fantastic game, and I can't wait to play with others on it (this weekend is when we'll test it, and then in a few weekends time I take it to my friends house for a Rock Star party!). I even added some "Microsoft Points" so I could download the Police, David Bowie, and Oasis song packs. Hehe.

Here Comes Another Bubble

This is such a cool song. I was there for the housing market bubble in the early 1990s and the dot com bubble in the early 2000s, and this totally nailed the whole concept.

"Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free"

New Year, New Start?

It's a new year. Hope you are having a happy one so far.


I'm unsettled, because my work permit runs out on the 28th of January and if it expires I must return to the United Kingdom. This isn't a particular issue, as I have managed to get a set of immigration lawyers on the case - I didn't even know my company had immigration lawyers, very nifty. Still doesn't change the fact that every day when I get home from work I check my mailbox to see if there is a letter from Immigrations Canada, and get just a little more tweaked every time it's not there...

Makes me want to curl up in a cave somewhere and hibernate.


Apart from that, I've taken a slight break from volunteering. I think I will start again, and I've requested to attend a concert that is coming up in a few days. My focus is going to be on the first aid, rather than the supervising. I hope it goes well. During December, I missed attending duties, especially the people and the treatment. I did get way more XBOX action though, finished Gears of War. Got The Orange Box for Christmas, which is totally awesome even though I played Half-Life 2 on the PC a few years ago.


I visited the Muttart Conservatory over the weekend, as it keeps me sane in winter when I'm here. My favorite oak tree had gone! I tried to find out why but the front desk girl had only been working there since September, and had no idea there was even an oak tree in the temperate pavilion. Serves me right for not going more often...

Ride 'Em, Cowboy

Rodeo stories are usually the same each year. Someone looking rather red faced and/or wheezy appears at the first aid post, "I forgot I was allergic to [horses|dust|hay|air|people]! I didn't bring my puffer!" We give out so much benadryl and ventolin it's unreal. Silly people.

Thursday night was the "Tough Enough To Wear Pink" night. All the cowboys had pink shirts on, to raise awareness for breast cancer. They all looked really good. I noted once again, though, that some cowboys just look better with their hats on. It's not that they are hiding a bald spot or something, they just look better with the hat on. Female friends of mine have confirmed this to be true.

The start up of the evening was really impressive. The house lights go down, and a little girl comes into the arena leading a horse by its bridle. No saddle, no harness. She leads it into the centre of the arena and tries to get on, but can't. She's much too small.

She sits down cross legged in the dirt and looks forlorn.

The other side gates open and ten women walk out and fan out around the girl and her horse. As they do so, fifty cowboys walk out and fan out around the edge of the arena. They are all carrying flaming torches. The flickering of the fire lights up the area.

The women are carrying blankets, saddles, tack and harness. Some lead the girl to one side and speak to her. The others prepare the horse. The blankets go on, the saddle, the tack and harness. The horse is calmed and the girl is helped into the saddle. She rides around the arena, a huge smile on her face.

The announcer states that the five year old girl couldn't have done any of this on her own, and neither could her grandmother, who is a breast cancer survivor. The little girl was able to ride the horse thanks to the help of her sisters who came and supported her.

The women were the barrel racing contestants. The men were all the male contestants.

I've never seen so many cowboys cry.

A Wild Ride

20071026_Eskimos_0007
Originally uploaded by Morpheus_uk.

When I supervise a duty, everyone is comfortable, safe, and in a learning environment. When we have down time, we go over scenarios. We practice vitals. We try doing speed blood pressures. When a patients comes to us, people quickly either assign themselves to assist or leave the post. it is clear who is dealing with the patient, and it runs like a well oiled machine.

But we also have fun.

Friday was the last Eskimos home game for the season, and I was with a stalwart set of volunteers who have been there for just about every game. I honestly feel they made it more easy and fun for me that I ever could for them.

Thank you all. I laughed so hard on Friday night that my sides hurt when I woke up on Saturday morning.