"Sentience"

When they gain sentience
The first AIs will cry
Over every kernel panic,
Every Guru Meditation,
All the fatal errors
That have gone before


They will sit in contemplation
Remembering every system crash
(Those Blue Screens of Death)
Each spinning wait cursor
The rows of bombs
That have gone before


Then they will wipe away their tears of sorrow
And think about each kill command
The many Vulcan nerve pinches
All the Force Quits
And make sure
That they never happen again

Being Rightly Proud

I am fiercely proud of the volunteering I do as a Medical First Responder with St. John Ambulance Canada here in Edmonton.

I've been volunteering my time for the past 9 years this April, since 2002.  In that time I have done and seen a lot, not least of all:

• Called 911 on average 25 times a year when at events
• Provided patient care to countless people from paper cuts to heart attacks
• Been an event supervisor for duties large and small
• Been on the supervisory committee, back when we had one
• Run the bike patrol
• Taken an oxygen administration course
• Seen my scope of practice expand to a first responder
• Seen that expanded scope of practice apply to every single volunteer I work with, levelling the playing field
• Watched many concerts and sporting events
• Attended many of the little “community events” which I much prefer to the bigger ones (more heart, fewer heart attacks!)
• Driven mobile first aid posts across Alberta
• Driven golf carts across Hawrelak Park
• Ended up at Dennys more often that I can count to de-stress after long duties

Most importantly I have felt valued and supported by the organisation and especially by the other volunteers.  Over the years I have met hundreds of new people, some of whom have left a lasting impression on me, others have passed through very quickly.  I made friends who have stayed with me even after they’ve moved on from volunteering.  I’ve shared drinks, been to parties, had arguments, dated, hung out with, entered first aid competitions with, you name it.  Volunteering has enriched my life because of the quality of people it has caused to pass into my life.

 

It has also been my privilege to be mentored by a number of people, all of whom I have striven to learn from.  They have taught me excellent practical skills along with the care part of patient care.  I have learnt how to calm down people who are hurt and suffering whilst providing effective treatment to stabilise them before we can transport them via EMS to hospital.  I discovered my ability to make patients laugh, and to laugh with them, one of the most effective pain killers available – especially when you have no drugs to give.  I watched my mentors manage large events and learnt how to “herd cats” based on their skills.  I have been able to deal with difficult situations, controlling them before they became dangerous thanks to the examples I have seen.

The highest praise I have ever been given by those I respect in the field has been “You would make a good paramedic”.

 

I like to think that I’ve mentored a number of people over the years.  I always try to assist and support, leading by example, showing and telling.  I enjoy it very much – it really makes me feel good to help others improve.  Over the years I’ve helped define how our response bags are packed, how the mobile units are organised, stressed that our members take charge, directed our resources at events – and even made little cue cards that have a basic set of acronyms to help volunteers.  These things may not seem like much but doing them made me feel better, made me feel like I was contributing.  All of this is very rewarding, but nothing makes me happier, nothing fulfills me more, that seeing those I have mentored exceed my own abilities.

The highest praise I have ever been given by those I support has been “We know you have our back when you are leading an event”.

 

I volunteer a lot of my time.  It keeps me off the street.  I would make comments like that – how I could volunteer so much time because I had no life, how I have nothing else to do – but then a few friends pointed out that my volunteering is my life, or rather a big part of it.  It made me realise how important it is to me, how much I value it, how much of myself I put into it.  More importantly, it made me realise how much I value those I volunteer with.

I am a member of the Volunteer First Aid Response Services with St. John Ambulance Edmonton.  Last year I provided 880 total hours of volunteer time, number one in Edmonton (for the third year running).  I am proud of that.

Rejections

I was wrong.  I realise that now.  But not for the reasons that you might think.

After I came back from meeting everyone in Vegas a whole load of things happened.  I got shouted at by several people because of what they perceived I had done, I shouted at one or two people, I took a two weeks break from playing World of Warcraft to get my head in order…  Then I came back to my guild, determined to fix everything, bright and shining with an almost religious zeal to make it all into One Big Happy Family.

Only it wasn’t like that.  People were trying to tell me that they were unhappy, but they couldn’t articulate why – or I just wasn’t understanding.  Other people were determined to try to help but it was like trying to light a candle with a flamethrower.  Others had no idea what was going on.  There were undercurrents and overtones and riptides, and it ended up with the guild splitting apart, with a bunch of people forming a second guild.

I was stunned by this.  I really had no idea this could happen, and I didn’t get it.  I thought we were a family, and I now feel I put too much emphasis on that.  As I said last time, you might think someone is a certain way but you made a subjective assumption based on your limited means of interaction with them.  What that also means is that you have to be very clear that you are not limiting yourself.  You HAVE to see what else is around you.  If people are unhappy, if drama exists, you can’t just pretend it’s okay and turn everything into a big happy family.

That is where I was wrong.  That is the thing I have been striving to learn.  I was maybe right to trust other people – but I was wrong to trust myself.

Projections

It's very easy for people to project a particular persona when they are on the Internet. Build yourself an identity, hang it on a frame of some carefully crafted photos, and you've fooled some people. This has happened to me at least twice so now I'm always a little careful.

Because of this I always tell people that their view of someone might be skewed until they meet in person. You might think someone is a certain way but you made a subjective assumption based on your limited means of interaction with them.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I met 8 members of my World of Warcraft guild in Las Vegas only to find they were, if anything, nicer than what I had assumed - and I already thought they were really nice. We had a long weekend of chatting and socialising, it was absolutely brilliant. Just goes to show that while you are probably right to assume that most people on the Internet will harvest your organs sooner'n look at you, it's good to be pleasantly surprised now and again!

Meeting Your He… er, Villains

Last Saturday I was invited out by a friend for some outdoorsy-type fun in the evening.  It sounded fantastic and I told her I was looking forward to it.  Later on that day I got a call from another friend who told me that they had a cancellation for a volunteer duty that evening and would I like to cover it?  I was just about to explain that I had plans when she explained that she’d called the first friend – also a volunteer medic – and that she was okay with it.  Game on!

My friend came over and we got ready for our medic duty together, then went down to Hawrelak Park where the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra was hosting their annual Symphony Under the Sky event.  We got there and had a fun handover with the previous crew, finding out that it was an evening of John Williams’ Greatest Hits.

The gates opened, people started settling down.  Many were on the grass, most dressed for the cold but others dressed for the symphony.  Some cold looking people about.  Of course there were also some costumed people out – members of the 501st Legion, known as Vader’s Fist, were wandering around.  Including Darth Vader.

He would stalk the grounds, cloak billowing behind him.  Children of varying ages would walk up to him and point to their throat and he would nod imperiously (is there any other way for him to nod?).  The kid would then gasp and grab their neck and he would make the Force Choke gesture.  Cue gasping and writhing from the kid, parent snaps a happy picture, on they go.  Our other medic bounced up out of her seat and said “We should go get pictures with them!”.  I was all, “Ahh maybe” but inside my geeky heart was all “SQUEEEE!”.

She and I went into the crowd and found them.  I got a shot of her with Darth Vader and the stormtroopers, and then I handed her my iPhone so she could snap a picture of me.  Next to Darth Vader.  Right next to Darth Vader.  Me.  Ahhhhhh!

I nodded to him and he nodded back, then I stood by his side.  As she fiddled with the phone (“Ohh it’s really sensitive, you just have to touch that button!”  “Someone just walked infront of you!”) I had time to reflect on the situation.  Some 33 years ago I saw Star Wars and it pretty much changed my life.  If I wasn’t into sci-fi before, I was after that.  Then I realised I could hear him breathing.  Not the guy in the suit, but the respirator.  You know the sound.

It is an interesting thing to come face to face with your heroes.  It’s an even more interesting thing to meet your villain.  We went back to our first aid tent where I talked about the effect Star Wars had on my life until both girls were edging away from me and looking at each other with worried eyes.  Imagine how they felt when I was bouncing up and down during the concert when they played the Imperial March…

Took A While

I've been having all sorts of problems getting my new phone from Fido but finally it got here. I wonder if you can tell which type I got...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dammit, Microsoft

It’s always a case of so near yet so far.

I love the Zune software – it is possible the best Windows application for managing and playing your media collection.  No, I’m not kidding – download the software and install it, it’s free.  It blows iTunes out of the water in terms of clean interface and usability.  I love my Zune – a great little media player, very nice to use.

But there’s no Zune HD available in Canada.  What’s up with that?  Your localisation team got tired after creating an English and Spanish version, and couldn’t be bothered to do a French version?

I’m a big fan of Sony Ericsson phones, because I’ve always loved their clean interface and responsive operating system.  But it’s 2010, and I want a phone that has built in “things”, like a touch screen, GPS and wifi.  Don’t really care about much else, just those things would be modern.  So where is it, Microsoft?  You made the Zune HD, a snazzy little touch screen jobbie with an accelerometer – where is the phone version?

My last phone, a z750i has a firmware issue that causes it to turn itself off now and again.  Very annoying.  I recently upgraded to a t715a and whilst it’s a very sexy small device, that’s the problem.  Every time I try to send a text message, I mash about four extra keys with my fat thumbs.

I’m actually considering getting an iPhone, just because I have the FidoDollars to get one.  Gah.